mors omnibus

Amélie still seeks solitude.

1019)I think I have avoidant personality disorder. i’m too afraid to see a psychiatrist about though. not because i’m afraid i’ll be diagnosed. because i’m afraid i won’t and i’ll have to face the reality that i really am as worthless and unwanted as i think i am.

(Source: mentalhealthconfessions, via mentalhealthconfessions)

it’s a trap. once you start you can never stop

I just want to sleep. A coma would be nice. Or amnesia. Anything, just to get rid of this, these thoughts, whispers in my mind.

by Laurie Halse Anderson. (via dearestofallboys)

(Source: color-blind, via heart-wood)

whenever I do feel sort of happy I’m hyper, and I hate it and it feels fake. so fake. sometimes even the emptiness feels fake., because I tell myself I want things but don’t see how getting them, if I ever had the guts to go after them, would make me feel better…or maybe just that I’ve given up on ever getting them (and ever being genuinely happy). I just can’t foresee it, I can’t picture it at all. I think about the future and I see the same thing, passing the days wondering if one day I’ll wake up and magically be different. even if somehow I managed to make myself happy, I don’t see it being real. I’d still have the emptiness whispering in my ear. I suppose I’d just get better at ignoring it if I were to ever become happy. is this how everyone lives? how do they do it…? ugh…I hate myself for writing this woe is me shit but I have to get it out of my head

I want my mind for once to be still. Either that or shut down. Let me sleep forever. And dream of fire. Psychics and lavish prisons and fire. Let me have delusions.

I can’t wait for the day when I finally destroy myself.